I was recently contemplating what services we could add to our senior and veterans in-home care business. I have had a number of requests for cleaning, so I thought that made enough sense to engage and move forward on. After all, it was the same clients, referral sources, and workers. If our caregivers wanted to get extra hours, they could clean. It all looked good on paper and was logical enough. Perfect!
But was it really?
When I think about marketing cleaning services, there isn’t one modicum of excitement that I can manage to muster up. For me, I might as well be selling door stops or nose plugs for guinea pigs.
At this stage in my life as I get ready to turn 45, I have been reflecting on things. What’s really important? What would I regret on my deathbed if I didn’t do it in this life? Am I being fully present? What brings me joy?
That last question has been particularly prevalent lately.
In my journey of self growth which includes spiritual practices, sobriety, practicing awareness, and trying to always “be here now,” I have realized that I need to focus on going deeper and not wider. I have a great propensity to just keep adding things to my life and all they manage to do is add anxiety and weigh me down.
After a period of soul searching, I applied the formula that Frederick Buechner gave us: “The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
I like to add one more variable to this equation: skill. So, in sum, our vocation/calling = our current skills x our greatest passion x the world’s deepest immediate need around us.
When I did the math, I came up with death. No, I don’t have a desire to disappear into the ether and see what lies beyond the veil of mystery. I hope I have plenty of time to conjecture about that. What I mean is, with a background in geriatrics and coaching and a great love for end of life work, it made sense that I would study to be a death/end-of-life doula. And because I have ADHD and can never just leave things alone, why not throw in mortuary science? I know, the inner hamster sometimes gets carried away on its little wheel of ideas.
Some of my deepest moments of joy have come from conversations with the dying and their families. There are so many types of grief that occur before and after death that manifest in different ways. What about how we want to die and what we want to have done with us when we’re gone? Cremation, terramation, hydro cremation, green burial, composting, and so on are all options. How about the funeral or memorial service? Even before death there are lessons to be learned about advance directives, long term care, hospice and what it really is or isn’t, and so much more. Heck, what about how we die? How does a family know when their loved one is actively dying and how do they cope with all of the physiological, spiritual, and psychological changes that happen in this process?
Helping families navigate these things and helping the dying person have a dignified and good death are things that bring me great joy.
I think it’s important here to note that (in my feeble mind anyway) happiness and joy are not the same thing. My definition of happiness is something like: happiness is the feeling elicited as a result of how I think about what is being done or has been done to me. In other words, it’s very subjective.
Joy, on the other hand, is something that exists on its own. It’s like the muses that speak to us in those moments when creativity is birthed forth from the face of the deep. It’s the feeling of being at one with all that is. It is complete peace and utter contentment. And . . . I don’t think it ever comes from stuff. We will never find joy in a new car or a shiny new watch.
The touch of a lover’s hand as they caress the back of your neck just because they adore you elicits joy.
Standing on top of a mountain and taking in the majestic vista around you elicits joy.
Joy is being fully present and still with no other place you would rather be. Or that’s how I experience it anyway.
Hearing the symphony of birdsong in the forest next to a river or lake as the sun glimmers on its surface while you have a complete at-one-ment with anything and everything that is and ever was elicits joy.
So, what brings you joy – complete, soul-lifting, exuberant, titillating joy? Whatever it is, do it. There are lots of things that we can do. There are plenty of skills that we all have and things that we can get by with, but why settle when there are vocations calling us for this time – here and now?
These words from the mystic may help you as you figure out the equation for yourself: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Go forth and find your joy and emanate the light of joy as you do.
Apophatica 