I once had a spiritual director who asked me how I felt about being complimented. I told him that it felt yucky and that I would quickly shrug them off as the other person “just being nice” or my imposter syndrome telling me that they would soon discover that I wasn’t so great.
He then asked me, “What if, when someone compliments you, you were to say, ‘Thank you. I’m grateful for that gift as well?’”
Now that was different. It not only helped me to finally put my imposter syndrome to rest, but it helped me realize that using my gifts and being grateful for them didn’t amount to hubris.
My ancestors have been healers. My grandfather was a Mormon bishop who healed my sister at the age of four when the doctor had given her a death sentence from spinal meningitis. His grandfather was also a healer and a mystic. He was considered a prophet in the church and performed “miracles” that are even marked by a monument in the town that was named for him: Byron, Wyoming.
Then there is me. I have healed and I would certainly consider myself a mystic. I have used this healing ability on others with a heavy dose of skepticism and very little gratitude. Even talking about it still seems a little strange like I am being too esoteric. Now, I am grateful for this gift. Some have reminded me that it is important to embrace the numinous and to use what we have been gifted with grateful abundance – even amidst our skepticism.
One area I have not used healing (or Reiki or any other title you might want to call it) is on myself. Perhaps I thought I wasn’t worthy of healing. Maybe I was just too skeptical to bother. But I have been recently reminded that this is a gift for myself, too.
Ultimately, my call is to gift myself; to be a gift to others while I receive them for myself as well. There is no reason to leave something that God, the Universe, the Cosmos has somehow decided to use through me to lie fallow.
When I write, I too am blessed. When I heal, I feel the gladness of wellness. When I teach or preach or coach or just be a listening presence for someone, I too reap the benefits of a heart that is lightened.
I am grateful for these gifts as well.
What about you? What is it that you should be doing that you are just leaving there to remain dormant? What do you need to be doing for yourself? What gift are your grateful for?
Use it and use it well. And don’t forget to use it on yourself, too, because you are beautifully and wonderfully made and more than worth it.
Apophatica 